Wednesday, February 18, 2015

You are not alone


Some days, this is the easiest job in the world. Some days, this is the most difficult job in the world.  
Every day, this is the best job in the world. 

This week has just been "one of those weeks." Raj is going through a growth spurt, he is cluster feeding (which means eating about every hour to tell my body to make more milk), and we just came off of a super fun/busy weekend with naps very short and far in between. He is tired and off schedule. It is Wednesday, and we are just getting back into a routine. I am not afraid to admit that Rajan and I both had a bit of a meltdown in the Target parking lot this week and called Daddy to vent our frustrations - probably for the both of us (Raj and I) with one another, haha! He wasn't napping on schedule, I wasn't making enough milk, and both of us were tired and hungry. 

So why am I sharing this? Because I know I am not the only one. As a mom, it is very easy to feel guilt when you are frustrated with your children, you feel bad for being angry, sad, and even lonely. You know that none of those feelings are personal, but you can't help but beat yourself up over just feeling that way. You see the smiles of other children and you see the "ease" of so many other moms in their parenting skills, and you think to yourself that something must be wrong with what you're doing or how you are feeling and it is easy to be hard on yourself over not be perfect 100% of the time. Well, that is just not fair. Moms are human, too, after all. We need naps, we need breaks, we need food - and sometimes we don't always get those things, any of those things, even when we need it.

I feel thankful to be home with my little guy and to have this time off of work, and I feel grateful to have the schedule that I have and to have the things I have in my life. I know so many women who had to go back to work when their little ones were 6 weeks old, and I cherish every minute I have with my guy; but, some days, I just need a minute to myself. Some days, I need a "lunch break" because it is very easy to forget that when you are a mom, those things do not exist. 

Now, this is in no way, shape or form, a complaint. I love being a mom, I love my son more than I have ever loved before, and I absolutely love giving him every ounce of everything I have to offer. What  I do want others to take from this is that they are not alone. Some days, we need a good cry, and some days, it is ok to get upset when your baby spits up on your third outfit change for the day (and his).  

So to all of the moms out there crying in the Target and Nordstrom parking lots - it is ok! Pick yourself up, layer on the concealer, go in and buy yourself something new, and then go home and bake yourself a nice batch of lactation cookies, because all will end well eventually. 
And if it doesn't, there is always wine! 

But most of all, just remember, that you are not alone.

With love,
Amanda